Hold Up: Identity ✔️

Hold Up: Identity ✔️

I was watching a talk with Chrystal Hurst and Priscilla Shirer, totally ignoring the title of the video "Identity." At the 26:20 mark Priscilla said something and it really resonated with me. My response was as follows:
Great discussion! 26:20 minute mark I love giving gifts too. I'd give the most expensive, and best gifts. I went through a season in which I could no longer afford to give the gifts that I loved giving. Well, really any gifts at all. I did not care about receiving gifts but I cared about being able to give. I remember sitting in my car, almost crying that I wouldn't be able to give gifts like I usually do. It wasn't until I wasn't able to give that I realized the heart in which I was giving; I was seeking approval, and accolades without intending to seek it. Sometimes what society sees as a notable and good, is not what God sees as notable and good. I remember thinking why would God not want me to give. I later realized that God wasn't displeased with the fact I wanted to be a cheerful and gracious giver, rather he was displeased with the heart in which I was giving. -Luke 16:15
Within hours of watching that video I had a talk with father. I started to realize that my identity was tied to what I could offer, even up until yesterday when I watched that discussion. Days ago father told me that I am going to meet my husband soon [within 2 weeks], and that we will marry by the end of this year. I had been concerned if my husband would accept me with in my current financial situation. I had always been able to provide for myself. From a natural standpoint it's very reasonable to think like that. However, from a spiritual standpoint it's not, at least for me. One of the reason why I am in this financial situation is because I had been trusting the Holy Spirit instead of trusting my circumstances. The Holy Spirit led me to quit my job and start www.ANewJourneyWithChristChurch.com, knowing that I had lots of bills to pay and that without a job, that bills were not going to be paid.

In addition to my identity being tied to what I could offer, I also had my identity tied to my looks. Now, I think I am beautiful, and always had. However, ever since I quit my job, I hadn't been able to afford facials, to get my hair done, to get my nails done. I was also concerned if my husband would be able to overlook that. I know that men are visual. Over these last couple of months, I hadn't dressed up much. Not because I don't like it, or have the clothes but because of how busy I've been with the work of the Lord.
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